Hidden Truth

Hidden Truth

I don't know where to begin with this one. I don't even know in which direction to go, or in which category to put it. I only know that it is a subject that is very important to me at this time.

As with many, if not most of my writings, the one for whom I am searching for an answer is myself. I might have someone else in mind when I begin, or someone else's problem as a direction, but I usually find that my own problems become entangled in them.

This last few days is an excellent case in point. I wrote and researched "Appreciation" from several different angles, only to find at their completion that I had not dealt with the problem I was struggling with. In fact, I didn't even know I was struggling, or that the problem involved me.

Then I got, or was given, a nugget of an idea. It was a small thing to begin with, not much more than just an idea with which to base a story. Actually that is not true, not entirely at least. For most stories it is true, but with this story I was anxious and a little apprehensive.

The story to which I am referring is The Rollercoaster.

The more I wrote about the rollercoaster, the more I realized that I was the one who needed to let go of the steering wheel and take my foot off the brake. That I was the one who's vehicle was trailing behind all the others.

And by demanding control, I was creating a lot of frustration, anxiety and stress for myself.

Me, the one who has a reputation of sorts for boldly going where only fools dared. Me, who in my own opinion was one who breaks down walls of fear. Me, who could clearly see that very problem in others, and was always ready to point it out. Me, who writes, and has written many stories about that very subject.

I had the answers, I had the understanding to a degree, and I had the awareness of the problem -- in other people.

What I did not have is any insight into the fact that I was the one with the problem.

And as evidence that I did (or do) have the problem; the very day I wrote the story, recognized and admitted my problem -- and released the brake and steering wheel (not entirely, of course, it's a process) my stress left, I am much happier and energetic, and I got the first good nights sleep I've had for some time.

Now for the problem that is nagging me at this moment. Now for the big question that has brought this story about.

How could I have sunk so deeply into such an obvious pit of despair and egotism without being aware of it? How could I have missed the signposts indicating that I was going the wrong way? And I, more than most, had a lot more warning sign to pass since I had not only climbed out of this pit before, but had diligently sought to rise far above it.

And to make bad things worse, I not only thought I had risen above it, but believed that I still was above it -- and going higher!

Blind fool that I am, why couldn't I see the Truth?

And that is my question. That is my quest. I want to find out what happens with Truth. Where it dwells, and why it is so allusive; How it can be missed, even ignored, by someone who diligently seeks it.

DO WE HIDE FROM TRUTH, OR IS IT HIDDEN FROM US?

I see people blindly continue down roads that are obviously wrong. Intelligent, educated people whose lives are a terrible mess, and I wonder how they can remain so blind to the fact. I wonder why they can't see how they are hurting themself.

Are they fools? Are they self-destructive? Do they just not care? Or could it be some thousand other reasons that I don't even have a name for?

I have attributed their behavior to ego, or callousness, or poor reckoning. I assumed that, for whatever reason, they were hiding from the truth. And I have covered much of this type of thinking in other sections.

Now I wonder. Now that it's me who is walking in the shoes of the one I am so critical of, I have to pause and re-evaluate. Now having been the accuser, and the accused, I believe I can make a little better analysis of the situation.

I am not one who intentionally hides from a problem; in fact I challenge them. Not from bravado, but out of fear. The longer I wait to deal with a problem, the bigger it becomes in my mind, and the more fearful and stressed I become.

I am not one to hide from truth. I seek it out. I question and challenge it. I even doubt it at times. But I would like to believe that I never deny it once it has been proven to me. I present as evidence of this my response to the Rollercoaster.

So if I am not hiding from Truth, is it possible that Truth is hiding (or is being hidden) from me? And if so, why? And by whom?

Here is where I draw a blank. I have studied the question. I have evidence through other people that the problem exists. I even have much more explicit examples in my own life, bigger and more numerous than I ever wish to divulge, to present as evidence that the problem does in fact exist; and that we can and do become totally blind to it.

And here the question dies an untimely and unwelcome death.

But I can speculate. I can offer some off-the-wall comments that may not be particularly clever, or original, or correct; but nonetheless a place to start.

The first (and really the only) scenario that comes to mind is that hiding the truth is intentional, that it is for our edification, in other words, for our own good. Who is doing the hiding? I would say God, which will be no surprise to anyone who has seen much of this website. You might wish to call it Mother Nature, or the gods, or guiding spirits, or karma. Whatever, in this scenario, it would be a force outside of ourself.

From my own experience it seems to me that I am allowed to blindly charge into a situation that I would avoid with all my might were I to recognize the dangers in it. And at this point I must differentiate between situations I have gotten myself into because of blindness of one sort or another; and those I blinded myself to because of my own selfish desires. There are some which were my own doing (of course they all were, but some truly blindly), and some that seemed to have strong overtones of external manipulation, and still others I just can't say for sure what happened.

Those blind judgments and experiences I think of as the side tracks on the Rollercoaster. Side tracks I would have avoided, or would have at least cut short as soon as I recognized them for what they were.

And had I done so, that is, had I not taken those false routes, I would have missed two thing in particular, and one other very important experience.

I would have missed an opportunity to experience what I try to avoid in myself, which would have meant that I would have missed understanding a bit of what other people are like, and what motivates them.

And I would have missed the opportunity to discover that the problem lies in me as well, and just how deeply embedded it really is. And along with that, I would have missed learning that I can also clear myself of the problem, and discover the method(s) I must use to do so.

And the third thing that is especially important; I would have missed out on learning how poorly I function when I am in control, and how much freer I fell when I have released control, that is, opened my hands.

I had hoped that by the time I finished this piece, I would have come up with other ideas, but I'm afraid that hasn't happened. Maybe later.

And later it is. Only 12 hours later, but after proof-reading the above another scenario comes to mind. This one you may have already thought of, and wondered how I missed it.

I was tired. There are other reasons I'm sure, but I'll settle for this one. It's safer.

Satan. That old Deceiver, the Devil. Isn't that his job? Isn't he the one who lied to Eve and made her believe a lie rather than the truth?

And that is a key to the problem, that is, the lies (or at least misinformation) we use to conceal the truth. Whether it is Satan who tells them to us, or our own mind or ego that says them; it is us, you and me, that listens and believes them.

So we hear one little lie, believe it -- which sets our direction of thought, and we build upon it.

Like the cornerstone of a building. Jesus said that He, as Truth, is the Cornerstone. I understand this to mean if we set Truth as the cornerstone of our thinking that we will build a structure of Truth. Conversely, if our cornerstone is a Lie....?

The above could explain how we can blindly go into a situation, and become more blind to it the farther we go. And this is so whether or not we give credit to the Devil for our dilemma, or take the responsibility ourself. (And who would want to do that?)

The above creates two more questions:

Supposing there is no Satanic influence on our blindness, that is, our cornerstone lie; How do we possibly learn to see Truth when we have engulfed ourself with more and more, bigger and bigger, and more sophisticated Lies? I think of someone with agoraphobia, that is the fear of open or public places. It may begin with that person staying home, but may well end with them huddled in a dark closet.

At this final stage, how is that person to see their blindness? Of course you could say that what they need to do is get out of the house and overcome the problem. A reasonable suggestion, especially so when the problem first began and was small. But if the problem wasn't seen or dealt with when it was small, how then could it be seen and dealt with when it is huge?

Outside influence, of course, may help. But for this study we will assume that there is none, and if there was, our self-deceptive lies have covered up the fact that the problem even exists. In fact, it may have advanced to such a degree that we believe that anyone not huddled in their dark closet is a fool and is blindly running around in the sunshine.

So then, as I see it, a person in the above situation has no way out, nor -- and what is particularly important to this study -- they can not have learned or benefitted from their blinded state.

Our second scenario assumes that Satan exists, and has influenced our blindness. This brings forth two options as I see it at this moment.

The first option supposes that Satan is mighty and powerful, that he is a force in opposition to God. That we are important pawns in his game he must win or destroy.

"The Devil made me do it!" we cry as an excuse for our behavior. Can the devil in fact make any of us do what is against our will? If that is so, and he has us in his clutches -- how then can we ever expect to get free? And if we can't get free, how then can we ever learn from the experience?

The second option is that Satan is a benign influence, rather than a force. This seems to be indicated in the Bible with his encounter with Eve. He did not make Eve eat the apple, nor did he have any influence on Adam at all. No, Satan only suggested that she could get what she wanted if she did what she was told not to do by God.

Satan is also called a Liar from the beginning, and the Bible tends to portray him as such. (However, he used the deaths of many in his efforts to dissuade Job).

If, he in fact, is this subtle creature (which the Bible also describes him as being), that all he does is whisper in our ear and points us in the wrong direction -- then we must accept the responsibility for what we choose to do. We must accept that such a problem lies deep within us, and all the devil did was tempt us to act out on it.

And if we acted according to our own will, then we can also take credit for having changed our direction once we have "seen the light, the error of our ways."

In this second option we then learn something about ourself that we would have never known. In this scenario we could even thank the devil for having taught us something that we can utilize in our relationship to ourself, to others, and to God. I doubt the devil would be happy for that, but then, who cares?

[For myself, I don't give the devil any credit at all. I assume that my own failings have nothing to do with the devil, that I am not important enough for him to even bother with, and that my own problems are brought about by my own failings and weakness. So when I finally see the light, I give thanks to God for having revealed my blindness, and for having lifted it. And I thank Him for the lessons I had learned while stumbling about in that blind state.]

Is it possible that both options are possible? Maybe Satan whispers in our ear, gives us the idea, and starts us on the road to our own destruction. Then, as we journey farther down that road, we become more and more in his clutches -- which means that we turn over more power to him until we actually are in his clutches? That might explain why some people never learn from their dark experiences while others do.

Those are a few of the questions. If you found an answer amongst them, you did better than I, because I missed it.
*
Tumbleweed

Man of Answers

A Man of Answers

My father was a man of answers.

It didn't matter what the question, he had the answer. And we (especially his family) dare not question his judgment. And, of course, we didn't.

I lie. I questioned it all the time. I had a miserable childhood.

My father never asked a question. That would show lack of complete knowledge. He would research a subject of interest until he had the headlines, close the book, and when the subject came up, he would quote the headline as fact.

"What an intelligent man," I would hear. But I knew the truth. But of course, never spoke it.

Don't get me wrong. My father was an intelligent man. Very much so. The problem lay in the fact that we (his family, at least me for sure) could not separate his Wisdom from his Bull Headedness.

Nor was I allowed to question any point which he spoke or commanded. His response was, "When I jump, you holler!"

A clever quip, had it been meant to be such.

One example, to which my brother likes to refer; once, when my brother was in school he learned that water can't be compressed. To which my father's response was: "I can. I'd just put in a big vise and.....!"

There was nothing my father couldn't do. Just ask him.

I inherited that trait. I doubt that I got it from my father's genes, but rather from association and subjugation. Which, very possibly, is where he aquired it to pass along to me.

So, most of my life, and until this day, I find myself "Having to be right."

Not, as I suppose, for the same reasons as my father. He was a small but powerful man.

I'm a wimp. Certainly by comparison.

No, my reasons for having to be right, or, more precisely, not be wrong; is that I fear rejection and abandonment if I expose any flaw. And I had learned that being wrong was a huge flaw.

Now, growing up, I didn't know any of this. I only knew that I was always wrong; even when I repeated exactly what someone (especially my father) had said.

But how could I have possibly ever been right, when I was around someone who could never be wrong?

And being a wimp, I believed that everyone else was right, and that I was in the wrong.

So, I learned to question every little thing I did or thought.

This questioning of myself was hard on a growing lad. And not really any easier on a grown man. But, in old age, it has blessed me with certain insights.

I thought I was different from everyone else, inferior, worthless in fact.

That isn't true. Part of it at least.

In my investigation of myself, I found that I wasn't different, I was the same as everyone else. And that, contrary to popular belief, both religiously and secularly, we are all worthless.

That sounds degrading, I know. But that's not so at all.

If we were all superior, as we are taught to believe, then we are all the same. Only, as being superior beings, there is competition as to who is more superior.

Contrarily, If we are all worthless then there is none of that competition. That is, of course, unless you desire to prove yourself more worthless than your neighbor. Which probably wouldn't be too hard a task.

This is not a new concept, it's only that I am just learning it, and the depths of it. Also, its application.

In fact, the concept is thousands of years old. It has been taught by Oriental Philosophers and Monks from, I suppose, the beginning.

And if one really studied the Bible, they would see that it is what Jesus and the Apostles were teaching.

Worthlessness is freeing.

Being right has it's burdens. Great burdens, in fact.

Having no opinion is light. I carriers with it no obligation to prove anything.

Nor does it require giving evidence, nor justification, nor excuses when evidence seems to point against your view.

So, if I have learned all this, why aren't I smart enough to practice what I preach? Why would I have a web site called "My Opinion" when I know that having no opinion is the right way to go?

First, a story. Once a Psychologist said to me, "You know your problem? You think you're always right."

"Of course I think I'm right," I replied hotly. "If I thought I was wrong, then I would change my mind, and I would still think I'm right. Don't you think you're right?"

Here the Psychologist had been taught that "thinking you're right" is a problem that some people have. He hadn't stopped long enough to realize that, if it is a problem, it is one most people have - including himself.

However, he was wrong in the first place. I didn't think I was right. I thought I was wrong, but had to be seen as right to cover up my insecurity.

Sound like anyone we know?

So, why the web site?

After a lifetime of believing that I am always wrong, but having to be right in the eyes of others, I have learned certain things.

Mainly, that there is no right. Just opinions.

And, as long as a person only has an opinion on any given matter, than he/she is not placing their ego on the line. If it's opposed, then the opposing view is just another opinion.

All parties can set the matter at rest as just a matter of opinion. Agree to disagree.

So this is the reason for this web site. To express a lot of opinions. Show a few things that I have learned -- at least a few that has worked thus far for me, and to provide a little humor into all that is seen as serious matters of debate.

And to share the importance of not being right, that is, to be stuck with some answer, but rather to leave the door open by only having questions.

This is not a new concept either. Read the writings of Socrates, and even God.
*
Tumbleweed

Multitude of Motives

A Multitude of Motives

Man's mind is not as simple as Science seems to believe it is.

I am referring to the Science of Psychology at this time.

Psychology has created little cubbyholes in which to shove different problems, as well as the people who have them.

A neat little package of cures and explanations are fed into the cubbyhole for the patient, and if they don't eat it, they are considered resistant and unreasonable.

A good example of this is the many radio Psychologists. A person, or more precisely, a voice over the phone dumps their problems into the airways, as best as they can, having no idea the what or why of their problem. And without a moment's hesitation, the Therapist tears a page out of her "book of cures" and solves that person's problems.

It's really a sickening thing to hear.

Now this person over the phone has the answer to their life-long problem, and has no way to implement the cure, even if it did, by chance, fit them.

I feel sorry for that person. Actually I feel sick to the stomach to think what that person now has to go through.

Meanwhile, the Doctor gives less than a thought to that patient, as they are too busy saying, "next".

It reminds me of a Surgeon who botches an operation due to being drunk, or inattentive to his work.

"Oops. Next!" he says. Meanwhile the patient is debilitated for the rest of their life.
However, at least the Surgeon is trying.

There is no cubbyhole for any certain behavior. There is no instant cure-all for any given problem. Each problem has a multitude of motives. And the motive for a behavior one time, may be totally different for the same behavior the next time. And that, with the very same person.

I will use a kleptomaniac as an example, though any behavior can be substituted, smoking, eating, talking too much, workaholic, etc.

A person, child in this case, enters a store with his friends. He is challenged to take something. He does it for fear of being rejected or accused of cowardice by his friends.

The line of no-no has been crossed. And he has gotten away with it. So he gives some justification in his mind for his action. "It didn't hurt anyone." "Everyone does it." "Insurance will pay for it." Probably a few of the excuses he comes up with he learned from the very people who were establishing the no-no's in him in the first place; his parents.

So next time he is in the store, alone, he takes something because he wants it. And he already has his set of justifications running in his mind at the time.

It's easy now. Again he does the same, but this time it's because he took something from his mother's purse, was caught and was punished. So to get back at them, he takes something bigger.

He has reached a point where there is no thought at all, not even a justification or a reason. He finds that whenever he goes into a store, he takes something, almost as if it is what a person is supposed to do when in a store.

Now this is not a bad kid. And he has come to the realization that that there is something wrong with his behaviour. He hasn't considered it a problem with himself, who he is, just what he does.

So he decides to quit.

But he can't. His behavior is now a habit.

Now he thinks it is him. That he has a problem. But he dares not tell anyone about it.

And what happens with a problem that you are aware of, can't quit, and you now feel bad about yourself because of?

What happens to someone who hates being fat, and has a bad self-image? Or one who smokes, and feels bad about themself because of it? Of course, they eat and smoke all the more.

And they start piling more and more justifications on the fire -- not to put out the fire, but to convince themself that the fire is natural, a result of their gene pool, a chemical imbalance, et adnauseam.

But the boy, in desperation, calls a radio Therapist, or even pays for Psychological treatment.

"This is your problem," he hears.

Now the boy has risked, and been cut off. Now, in his mind, it's hopeless.

Now he's hopeless in his own mind. Worse than that, he is "no good, a thief," and a hundred other things foul in his own mind.

What happens when this boy is offered a drink, or drugs, or whatever else he can find that will allow him to escape the reality of who he is?

Add to this, in this case, the boy is also dealing with the topsy-turvy world of adolescence.

To escape this world of ever-spiraling downward existence, he considers; suicide, or doing all the things he is now doing more vigorously in the hopes of getting caught, which will force a change of one kind or another, or maybe just giving himself over to the "dark side," and forgetting about correcting his life all together.

Now, you are the Psychiatrist who this boy's fate rests with. If you muff it, you could destroy a life that might well be saved.

Which motive, out of the multitude the boy has exibited, do you try to correct?
*
Tumbleweed

Envy

Envy

Yesterday I was transcribing some notes from mini-tapes to MP3. They were about two years worth of thoughts that had been recorded during a very difficult period of life.

They were not my own notes. They were my younger brother's who died recently from cancer.

And it was a surprise to me to hear his voice on the tapes, because I didn't know I had any of his tapes, and I thought they were my own.

His voice was low, quiet, concise; not controlled, but calm. Even during that period of turmoil his thinking was clear and rational. In fact I was quite amazed at just how realistically he saw situations, and how well he expressed them.

The couple times he spoke of me, his memory of the events was correct, and his analysis of it was acute. And there were some events that he refered to which involved me that may be too accurate. I would like to think he is wrong, that I had different motives and intents than what he understood them to be. But that could well be my memory trying to protect my ego. Regardless, his view of the situation as it effected him was very precise.

And his search for understanding of himself was honest, open, and almost fearless. He looked at himself in order to try and understand himself.

Then I heard my tapes, of which I have hundreds. (My brother had only two covering three years of ardent self-analysis.)

My voice is weak and labored, almost whiny at times. I get excited and even emotional over small, insignificant things. I use ten-thousand words to describe what could ultimately be expressed in twenty. I run off in several tangents at once.

I analyze myself, but I do so by first analyzing someone else, then applying the problem to me. My straight-line thinking only appears that way to me because the curve of my circular reasoning is so gradual due to my taking so long to get to the point.

The energy I exert when I talk to someone can exhaust them, and it often exhausts me. And even when I talk into a tape recorder, all to myself, I often lose my voice from tensing my vocal chords to their limits.

[That is one reason I would rather express myself by writing. I type so slowly that my mind can do all its running in circles before my fingers can get the words on the screen.

And I don't exhaust my body, or strain my voice.

I only strain those of you who bother to wade through all my writings to hopefully find a nugget amongst the mire.]

When I sit peaceably by myself, I can imagine myself as being the calm, cool person my brother was....

In fact, a realization just came to me (see what I mean about tangents? And there has been several more that I have allowed to pass). My father was quite cool and calm, though more controlled than my brother, and so were my father's brothers.

Except one, the youngest of my father's brothers, who was a highly emotional and opinionated orator.

My father and brother spoke from their head. What you heard was thought out before it was spoken. No other words were necessary because everything had been boiled down to the bone.

I speak from my toes, and my head has very little to do with what I say, except to listen to what my toes are saying to see if there is anything worth while in the verbiage they put forth. As with my website, anyone who listens to me must also listen to the pot boil away, and stand clear in order to not get boiled upon (I tend to fling my arms about when I speak). And when everything is boiled away, there my be nothing left but a burnt pot with not even a sliver of a bone of truth left to show for the effort.

My brother and I are different. In fact, and in many ways, almost opposites.

I envy certain parts that are him. And, I believe, he envied certain parts that are me.

Would I want to give up those parts of me that I envy in him? Not really. I like who I am. And though there are times I think that the idiosyncrasies I have mentioned sometimes (maybe even often) handicap me, they make me who I am. They make me the person I have finally grown to like, and even enjoy.

Would my brother have given up any part of who he was to incorporate any part of me that he may have envied? I'm sure he wouldn't have.

I suppose, in the final analysis of things, that each of us is like fingers on a hand. At a quick glance all the fingers look the same. But they really aren't. And if the little finger was to be as long as the middle finger, the hand wouldn't close properly. And consider the thumb if it were any different than it is.

When I was young, I wanted to be somebody else; Any body else! Now that I am so much older, there is no one I would rather be than who I am. Perhaps it's just that over the years I have grown used to the person I am; or maybe I'm just too tired or lazy to consider making the effort to change, so I settle into just chipping off the jagged edges of what is left of who I have finally become.

I don't know. Nor do I guess it even matters anymore. I'm just thankful that I am able to recognize the envy that I do have, instead of hiding from it.
*
Tumbleweed

Look Both Ways

Look Both Ways

We tend to go in the direction that we are looking.

For instance, if I am in Chicago, toward the center of the U.S., and I look west toward California and start walking, it's not likely that I will arrive in New York which is behind me.

In the physical world, if I spend all my spare time playing golf, I am not likely to become a football player.

Socially, if I expend a great deal of energy and time carrying signboards with the radicals outside City Hall, the chances that I will climb very high on the corporate ladder are pretty slim.

In a more psychological vain, if I want to understand human nature, it probably wouldn't help too much for me to spend all my time studying geophysics.

And Spiritually, the likelihood of my becoming a Catholic Priest while worshiping in a Buddhist Temple is slim to none.

So that's an absolute. You go the way you look. It just makes sense, don't you think?

As an example, when I am riding my bicycle, I watch the road ahead. So, of course, I go straight ahead. But if I should turn my head to the right for some reason, I naturally go....

To the left!

Now my perfect picture is blown apart, I've just defeated my purpose. I doesn't make sense, but that's what I do. I go the opposite direction than where I am looking.

Why?

I think I know why.

In order to keep from riding off the road, which is the direction I am looking, I overcompensate and drift the opposite direction.

Of course what I want to do, and think I am doing is riding straight ahead. I think I am avoiding the danger of riding off the road, but what I am doing is in fact riding into the traffic lane and in mortal danger of getting hit by a car!

When I turn my head back to the road, and see where I am, I am shocked. Sometimes I am even panicked (especially if a car is swerving in order to miss hitting me.)

My first thought, when this happens, is "How did I get way over here?" I mean, I know what I thought I was doing; I know what I intended to do - but for all my good intentions, I could still have been dead as a doornail.

Now, you know as well as I do, If you have read much of my writings at all, that I am not telling you this in order to keep you safe while bike riding. It's just a build up (or set-up) for this:

On another page I wrote "Hidden Truths" where I explored how a person (me) could so blindly get off the path that I thought I was on. I won't go into any of that; you can read it for yourself. There I covered this subject quite thoroughly - so I thought, until my bike ride, which brought this new awareness into focus.

So, as I see it, we're not always going the way we think we are. And the drifting off track may be so gradual that we don't even notice it - until we almost get run over by the reality of our situation.

What's the cure to make sure this doesn't happen? I would say - check the signposts often; try to limit the time you spend looking to the left or the right; and look both ways.

No, I don't mean both right and left; I mean keep a sharp eye on where you are going, that it is where you want to go; and look behind to where you have been, that what you have passed are signs that indicate you have been where you intended to be.

*

Tumbleweed

*

Ego & Aging

Ego and Aging

When you're young (under 40 or so) there is always hope that someday you will get life in order, and take the time to become all you hoped to be.

And, when you're very young (under 30) there is much more hope and opportunity, just not enough time or order in your life to accomplish this.

Of course, that's not true of everyone. Some fanatic weirdos take the time to go to a gym, or exercise some other way. They watch their diet, dress well, and always manage to look good and perform well regardless of time schedules, etc.

Don't you just hate them?

But for the rest of us, and most of the fanatics as well, (I am assuming,) experience old age. That is, if we live long enough.

We reach a point where the wrinkles start showing. Brown spots start appearing on the skin. If you are lucky enough to have kept most of your hair, you find that there is a lot more scalp showing between each one of them.

Bags appear under your once bright eyes. Your joints begin to ache and rebel. Your thighs, hinney, and waist begin to sag.

Of course, there are cures for all those things. At least, so the advertisers say. And in the early stages, you spend all your paycheck, as well as money your kids say you should be saving for their inheritance, on preparations to correct these flaws.

You give yourself a whole bunch of excuses, and even believe one ore two. But no one else understands. They call it "Mid-Life Crises."

But you know better. You're just taking care of yourself like you know you should.
(For more of this browbeating, see "Mid-Life Crises.)

Eventually, in spite of the fortune you have spent, the debt you have left to your children to repay, the foregone opportunity to better yourself in more important ways because it was spent standing in front of a mirror worrying about new wrinkles -- you grow old.

Growing old means that you have passed that point where you have enough money or energy, and the task is too awesome to tackle anyway, to go on covering up the aging process.

This is the time for you to take on a much more meaningful occupation.

Too late for your body. To late to consider a great career. Too late to get that PhD, (and the money for it is all gone anyway). Too late, but just the beginning.

Your hopes and dreams, your goals and good intentions, and every other youthful thing is behind you.

All that is left is: you.

No more image to uphold. No more pretenses. All that is gone, and all that's left is: freedom.

When Hope is lost, so are your worries about it. Hope is a future thing. Like the proverbial donkey and the carrot, it's always out there. Always in sight. But for one reason or another, unobtainable.

But there are things that are obtainable, that have been set aside in your youth. They are the factors that make you who you are. The real you. And now you are at an age that if others disagree with you, or don't like what you decide to do, they can lump it.

First, however, you have a monumental task ahead of you. You are going to have to do something that you have been avoiding all your life.

You are going to have to figure out who the real you is!

How do you do that? Where do you start?

Well, you have already started in a small way just by visiting this web site. No boasting. It's merely that here you will learn what some of the Masters, Philosophers, Religious Leaders, and even a bunch of old, uneducated geezers have to say on a variety of topics that confront us daily.

And I hope it helps. And I hope that you find the search for yourself easier than my own.

But now it's your time. Enjoy it.

I said earlier that the aging process is something we all go through.

Obviously there are some that even reach their 90's looking and acting like Spring Chickens.

Don't you just hate them?
*
Tumbleweed

Manipulation

Human Nature

Manipulation.

I am kind of fudging on this one. But I needed something for the Nature Category anyway.

Now, I don't manipulate. Never did.

Wellll, yes I have, I suppose. And, yes I do, kinda.

But I'm not a manipulator!

Then again, I suppose, if I manipulate at all, then I'm a manipulator. But just a little bit of one, I want you to understand.

Isn't it something how hard it is for us mortals to admit any flaw? Then, maybe it isn't for you. But it is for me.

What brought this topic about is a man I know. Now this man is a big man, a very big man by any standard. And in his own eyes as well as in everyone else's, he is very manly as well.

However he nor they recognize the tiny person residing in that big, brawny body. Nor did I, until recently.

"Ok, then," he said, as he walked off in a huff. "I want nothing more to do with you!"

And I suppose he meant it, because he doesn't even bother to greet me any more.

"If you don't do what I want you to, I'm going to be mad at you!"

Where have we heard these words? If you have a long enough memory, you probably recall them from kindergarten. And, it usually worked. Who wants someone to be mad at them, especially when they're a little kid. And especially if the threat comes from either a friend, or a bully.

What is even stranger than this, is that most of us heard these same words, phrased a little differently, from our teachers, and our parents.

Now, I don't manipulate. Not like that.

A person has to be in a position of power to use such a manipulation as that. I don't have any such power.

So I use(ed) the manipulation of the powerless to try and get what I want(ed). You notice that I said tried? It rarely worked, because even the ploy of the powerless requires that the manipulator have some power with the manipulated.

No, my manipulation, as I recall (I keep referring to the past tense because it has been quite a while since I have been in a position of need or influence, not because I believe I have outgrown it) was more whiny. It went something like, "If you don't, I'll feel real bad, and then yoou'll be sorry."

Did you laugh at that flimsy attempt? So, usually, did the person I tried to get my way with. That tactic might work if used by a child or a woman of dainty proportions, but from a man?

*
Tumbleweed

Breaking News (6-12-08)

BREAKING NEWS

June 12, 2008

Actually I'm exaggerating the importance of this, but why should I change my pattern now?

First, I want to quote three short Scriptures that directly apply to me and my website. Please bear with me.

This first Scripture is from 2 Peter Chapter 2:

10But chiefly them that walk after the flesh in the lust of uncleanness, and despise government. Presumptuous are they, selfwilled, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities. 11Whereas angels, which are greater in power and might, bring not railing accusation against them before the Lord. 12But these, as natural brute beasts, made to be taken and destroyed, speak evil of the things that they understand not; and shall utterly perish in their own corruption; 13And shall receive the reward of unrighteousness, as they that count it pleasure to riot in the day time. Spots they are and blemishes, sporting themselves with their own deceivings while they feast with you;

And this from Acts 23:

2And the high priest Ananias commanded them that stood by him to smite him on the mouth. 3Then said Paul unto him, God shall smite thee, thou whited wall: for sittest thou to judge me after the law, and commandest me to be smitten contrary to the law? 4And they that stood by said, Revilest thou God's high priest? 5Then said Paul, I wist not, brethren, that he was the high priest: for it is written, Thou shalt not speak evil of the ruler of thy people.

And again from Romans Chapter 13:

1Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. 2Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. 3For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: 4For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. 5Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake. 6For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God's ministers, attending continually upon this very thing.

I do a lot of criticizing of the Government and the direction this world is taking. Because of this I am treading upon ground that could well collapse under me: especially in light of the Scriptures I just quoted.

I have stated this previously, and I will restate my position here just to make sure my position is perfectly clear.

Government does not govern this country. As stated in the verses above, God is the one in charge of this country and of this world. No move by any one is made without His approval. Any power that anyone supposes themself to possess does not exist except that it be willed to him or her by God, and then only for His purposes.

I have nothing against any public official. In fact, any person who opposes me or tries to hinder me in any way I see as merely instruments of God for His purpose, and where that hindrance effects me personally, for my ultimate good. I say this in regards to myself, but I believe it to be so for all who diligently seek the Lord and His will for their life.

My concerns are not with the running, nor the functioning of the governments. In my opinion it makes no difference who is in any office, the result would be the same because it not that person who is in charge, but the One who created the one who thinks he (or she) is in charge.

I am concerned, not with the blindness of those in government, but rather the blindness and nearsightedness of all those who blindly follow the government's ruling, or those who blindly oppose the rulings and the rulers.

It's not the direction we are taking that concerns me, but rather the acceptance of the direction we are taking that I cry out against.

And finally, although government certainly has an important role to play in the scheme of things, I believe that its role is minor. It is the church, in my mind, that is of ultimate importance, especially in this day and age. And it is the blind following of the blind leadership of the churches that is my concern and the reason for this website.

I am not speaking against "Dignities." It's the indignity of the leaders of the nearly half million denominations of God's Church I raise my voice against.

If I have misjudged my footing and have tread over the line of Godly acceptance by criticizing the leaders of the churches, I am confident that I will have plenty of company in my fall as the leaders of those half million denominations who criticize the leaders of those not a part of their chosen belief follow close on my heels.

The second thing I would like to make known is a bit of information that I just learned recently. I have said, and even whimpered a bit, that no one is listening to me or reading what I have to say. In fact "Big Crybaby" might well fit the attitude I've presented. Well, once again I have been proven wrong. Recently I discovered a little file called a "log" on my website that I had ignored thinking it was something for the web host and not for me.

I peeked.

I found that it was for me, and that the log was a count of every "click" of my web pages. Further, I found by going to my web host, that the log also keeps track of where those "clicks" originated from, what kind of computer did the clicking, and what OS (like XP, Vista or ME, etc) was used, and what browser did the browsing. The only thing it didn't show me was the age, weight and gender of the "clicker," which sometimes I wonder if that record wasn't in fact recorded unbeknownst to me.

I would have been pleased to see that 18 people was checking out my web pages. That isn't the case however.

Wouldn't it be nice if 180 clicks were made to my pages? You bet. How about 1800? Far too many to even dream of. And, to tell you the truth, it wasn't 1800 clicks per month that was being recorded since the beginning of the year. Nope, it was 18 thousand clicks per month!

When I saw this my first reaction was total disbelief. I had to research it further, and found that number to correspond with what my web host had on record. My next reaction was almost shear panic. Such responsibility!

Why doesn't somebody tell me these things?

Well, some of the pressure has been lifted off me. The count is dropping significantly. It was only 14,000 clicks during the month of May (2008).

And finally, I have been very busy casting my criticism into new fields. I have created some blogs that "mirror" what I have here on my website. It is rather fun, actually. Instead of the simple designs and colors I use here, I get to play with many styles and colors and backgrounds. Anyone interested can check out what I have so far by clicking this link that will take you to my BLOG page.

Tumbleweed Blogs

There is one item I added to the blogs that I haven't included on this website. I would like to do so here. Printed below I have reproducedwhat is written on each commentary page of the blogs:

NOTICE:

I am an egotistic, uneducated know-it-all. I do not read the newspaper, watch TV or listen to radio. I know nothing whatever about current events.

All the opinions I express here in my blogs and on my websites come from a complete lack of understanding and knowledge.

If you agree with anything I say, that is an issue you must deal with yourself.

If you disagree with anything I have to say and think I am an ignorant, self-centered idiot who doesn't know what he is talking about; take no credit because I said it first.

Well, that's my news for today. I wonder what tomorrow will bring? Hopefully not rain.

Tumbleweed

Conglomeration

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Opinion Intro Conglomeration

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On my website I had a section called: "In My Opinion." The articles written for that section are now under this heading of Viewpoint. Under the old heading I had a bunch of introductions that do not particularly apply to this new version, and really have no meaning of any importance. But so everything is together in one place, I thought to include those introductions here.

*

If there is any of my writings worth ignoring more than any of the others, it is this one.

*

*

THE ARTS:

*

This is my field of "expertise." (What a silly word to describe what I know on the subject. Let's just say that I know more than many, and am supposed to know more than most since I am an artist, and an art instructor.) However, this category is not likely to grow very rapidly since I don't have much to say regarding the subject.

Besides, I have said a great deal about Music in the Abstract Musician.

But who knows. I might surprise myself some day and dwell on this subject. If so, the section is here waiting patiently.

*
Arts and Crafts are divided into separate categories. I don't see why.

I am an artist. I teach art. In my judgement, I know what I am talking about in this area, at least.

Very often when I talk to a 'crafter' about their work, and I ask if they are an artist they say; "Oh no, I'm just a crafter."

Yet their work is more intricate, more appealing, and much better done than the 'artist's' work in the booth next to them.

Now, the dictionary is rather vague on the distinction between the two. However, by considering the definition of 'artisan' under crafts, and 'craftsman' under arts, it brings the two closer together.

I have watched my aunt crochet items that amaze me. And the effort, attention, and what could be called "love" she stitches into them puts many notable artist to shame.

There are bricklayers and street sweepers who are artists. And there are 'artists' who are charlatans and slobs.

At least, that's my opinion.

*

*

DISCLAIMER:

*

Nope. Not this time.

What I say here is what I believe and feel -- at least for the moment.

My opinions are as flighty as the Dodo bird. They rarely fly, but they run around a lot.

That's a hard picture to grasp, but give it a try, if you have nothing better to do.

*

*

A WHOLE MESS OF OTHER STUFF:
*
This will very likely be my favorite section to haunt. There is a lot of junk and nonsense stuff I have to say. Stuff that is just a bunch of rambling brainwaves that aren't worth a first thought.

And what better way to clear the cobwebs from my mind than to dump them here.

So if you have nothing better to do. And you want a chuckle or two at someone else's expense -- Why, just stop here occasionally and have a laugh, (or maybe even a tear or two) on me.

*

*

NATURE:
*
What is nature?

Is it what we see around us? Is it us?

It seems like such a simple question. And a foolish one at that.

And perhaps it is. But it is something I would like to contemplate anyway. I doubt if I will discover anything astounding. But just the search should be enlightening.

*

*

POLITICS:

**
This is a subject that I will very likely avoid as much as possible. Not because I have no opinions regarding Politics, and Politicians, but because I have too many, and too heated are my opinions.

*

So I would just as soon let them lie.

I will say this, to help clarify my opinion. Alexander the Great was a Soldier, not a Politician. George Washington was a Soldier, not a Politician. Nations rose under non-politicians, and declined once Politicians took over.

Though I believe this, and quite strongly, there are exceptions that disrupt my theory. Lincoln was not only a Politician, but a lawyer as well. Kennedy was not only a politician, but came from a family of them.

Oh well. That's the way it goes. Every Truth I come up with carries evidence with it that it is a lie in disguise.

*

*

RELIGION:
*
By Religion I mean all faiths that are directed to God, or a god or gods. The very definition of the word dictates such.

There are many beliefs that either are not directed to (a) God, that is, a form of worship that could be, and have been, shoved into this category. I am referring to Humanism, TM, and such. But these are either directed toward Self, humans in general, or/and deny the very existence of any Creator or Judge. (There are some religions that believe in a final Judge, but not in a Creator as such. These will be included in this section.)

All other thoughts, beliefs and such will be placed in the Philosophy section.

And those topics or items that relate to, or help clarify Christianity will be found in the Bible section. These include topics or references to the Old Testament as well as the New.

Also, historical events and such that either support or hinder the Bible will also be found there.

*

*

RELIGION:
(Pride)
*
PRIDE - This topic has already been covered in Virtues and Vices, and undoubtedly will be handled in other sections as well.

But a thought occurred to me that I think warrants consideration.

Pride, Conceit, Vanity. Those words are generally known to be on the no-no list. And I can fairly well understand why.

But today I did something, just a little thing that didn't amount to anything, but it was something I believed I should do. So what? You do that all the time, right? So do I, sometimes. And sometimes I do bigger things that might be considered as kindly, quite decent even. And so do you.

But this time, I was aware of a little feeling that welled up in me.

Was it Pride?

I don't know. But what was happening, as I studied the feeling, was that I felt good about myself.

And that happens a lot. It's the reward I get for doing the right thing I've talked about this elsewhere, so I won't go into it -- the doing part I mean.

So then, is my doing the right thing creating a wrong thing within me?

Is my good feeling robbing me of my reward for doing right?

As I read what the Religious Leaders say, it appears as if the answer is, yes.

And it seems to me that the Bible gives me the same conclusion.

Yet didn't the Apostles and other early church leaders say they had Joy in spite of their bonds and afflictions?

Is there a difference between Joy and feeling good about oneself?

Is it just maybe a little bit possible that Pride is a separate thing from Feelings.

Is it possible that it's not the feeling good about running the race, or even winning the race, but thinking you are better than others because you had?

Is it possible that the ultimate goal is to feel the same about yourself, and others, whether you win or not?

If that's the case, maybe the momentary, involuntary thrill we feel is not part of the problem, but rather the problem is the egotistical feeling we struggle to have accompany us wherever we go.. The feeling which causes us to have to win. To have to be right. That doesn't allow us to just do, or be. We have to do better than. We have to be more than.

I suppose that's the answer. At least it's the one Ill stay with for now.

But like I have said elsewhere; don't be surprised if I question this, and every other thing, again. And if I contradict what I have just concluded, it's all part of the process.

Because no conclusions are ever drawn with me, or on this site. Only thoughts, concepts and ideas.

Besides, the answer I decided on is probably the one you knew all along. Right?

*

*

The SCIENCES:
*
Science is a form of Theory which has been researched to one degree or another. It is a step above Philosophy, that is, above more than just a mental exercise that constitutes Theory.

How Scientific my definition is could very well be argued. And I am sure there are plenty of people who will do just that.

But since they are not the ones writing this web site, but I am, I get to make the final decision. And that is, to use the definition given.

*

*

THINGS THAT DON'T FIT ANYWHERE,
(And probable Shouldn't ):
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There's always something that comes up in a site such as this one that just plain doesn't fit anywhere. Not even in a Miscellaneous folder.

Usually those things are something that one isn't sure whether to throw out, or stuff away somewhere.

They are usually best fitted for the trash can. Certainly not where the world can see them.
But I'm one of those old geezers that just can't throw away anything -- even words.

Of course, it's not just a matter of age, as I was the same way when I was a young geezer.

So just consider this the Trash Can for this site. If you're one of those who likes to dig through other people's trash, then you might enjoy this section.

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*

Miscellany:
*
Life seems to never catch up with itself.

Youth provides stamina and vitality, but lacks the experience to put into practice.

Old age affords that experience and knowledge, but has been robbed of the ability to apply it.

*

Tumbleweed

Beliefs & Feelings

Beliefs and Feelings
*

Where do our beliefs come from? How about our feelings? I don't mean our senses, like touch, smell and so on. I mean feelings that are stimulated by something seemingly outside ourself, and cause a reaction inside of us.

Does our belief system have any effect on our feelings? For the sake of argument, that is, for the purpose of this research, I am going to assume that there is a connection. I don't mean that I am going to try to prove that there is, as if this was a scientific exploration which is only successful if a positive conclusion is found. That would defeat my purpose, which is to try and get a little closer to the truth. I have to start somewhere, so I'll start from yes and work toward no. (Maybe next time I'll start from no and work toward yes.)

Beliefs, it seem to me, start with a newborn baby nestled snugly in his or her mother's arms; Or left whining with many other isolated newborns in a glassed-in room. I can't say for sure, nor can I tell you which of these scenarios (if not another altogether) I was born into. But I should think that the snuggled baby would most likely feel secure, protected and loved; While the other left alone screaming for attention would feel abandoned, frightened, and left to fend for himself.

That's the feelings; and it would seem to me those feelings would very likely develop into a belief, which would be difficult to alter.

As evidence of this, I think of a child who has not been loved, or at least has never felt loved, will fight against anyone who claims they do love them, And if this is true with a child, how much more so would it be with an adult?

And it's not only children. I have heard of many abused dogs (in particular) and other animals that have reacted in the same way. They either show great fear, or overt violence toward their new "master."

As a child we hear, "This group of people are all bad," or "God is only in this church," or "There is no God," or "You're no good and you never will be any good," or "You're a fine and wonderful child. You're going to turn out to be a great success in life."

The above, very likely, we will first hear from our parents, Then, in later life, we hear it from our teachers. And to a child, both of these "peoples" we are supposed to impress and please. How better to accomplish this than to agree with them, and prove them correct?

Then come peers and friends to please and appease; who have their own, and often contrary set of rules and opinions to "inflict."

Then bosses, and perhaps sergeants (if in the military), then spouses and in-laws, etc, etc.

It seems to me that with all these inputs, it allows very little freedom for anyone to interject a real opinion of their own.

However, should a person, especially a youth, break away and form their own set of standards and beliefs, the chances are they will be very careful not to appear to deviate from the others in the group that have broken away before them ("Just us four ((hundred, thousand, whatever)) and no more.")

[Believe it or not, I am trying to think of something to contradict what I am saying. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I am. Perhaps something will come up a little further on.]

So far nothing I have said has particularly shown one way or the other if feelings are connected with our beliefs. It only seems to indicate that beliefs, at least in the form of opinions, are greatly influenced by outside considerations.

But are opinions and beliefs the same? Is one affected by the other?

Well, if you asked my opinion, about anything, chances are I would tell you something that was only at head level, and I wouldn't be attached to it very strongly one way or the other.

But if you asked me what I believe, it's very likely I will be set for an argument if you disagreed.

So I guess that opinion and belief are two different things, or, maybe the same thing, but at different levels.

So why would I get so up tight if someone disagreed with my beliefs?

Well, let's first look at the difference between "I believe it is going to rain," and "I believe that you're a liar."

The first, if it's going to rain, is really only an opinion. It comes from the head. Even if your favorite weatherperson, or your arthritic elbow is what you are basing your "belief" on. It evokes no particular feeling (there's our third element) in either the one making the statement, nor the one being spoken to.

But, the second statement, "I believe you are a liar," is going to evoke much feelings in the one spoken to.

One problem with such a situation is, feeling (emotion) is created in the wrong person, that is for the purpose of this study at least. The one stating their belief is not the one who is having the emotions. And unless there is evidence, even if only supposed evidence, for the statement, it really is no more than an opinion.

Even a statement like, "I believe the Russians are going to drop bombs on us next week, and I'm scared" are still not much more than opinions even though the one saying it has much feelings about it. But yet, it is a belief, just not to the level of belief that I am considering in this search.

[Keep in mind that I am just thinking out loud. This is not a dissertation on some finding of mine, but a thought process. So if it (and it does) ramble, that's because my mind is arguing with itself.]

I suppose that what I am considering as belief, is a statement of belief that I make. I will use as a for instance Merl Haggard's song "You're Walking On The Fightin' Side Of Me." In that song he is saying that his belief is that no one in this country should run down this country. And I am supposing that he fought in the war to preserve this country, therefore he has an emotional attachment to it, and his own belief. And he won't allow any opinion to disagree with his belief.

Another example might be regarding religion, or something similar -- like a "bigoted" belief similar to my own regarding the education system, and the sciences.

(By the way, a "Bigot" is anyone with an obstinate and intolerant attitude against anything, not just a group of people.)

In other words, the belief is Deep-Seated, which means to me it's hard to root out. It's in the emotions (feelings), a part of the person; as much so as is their name, maybe even more so.

And when a belief is that strong, there is usually a cause for it. And here I have to separate the superficial cause from the real one. I described some (what I consider at this time) real ones above. I can think of superficial ones that evoke an emotion also, like for no other reason than the person is being disagreed with. I have talked about growing up with such a person (elsewhere), and find that same tendency welling up in me when I am disagreed with.

The song, "I Believe" is a good example. In that song many beliefs are expressed. All these beliefs point to the writer's greatest belief, which, in this case, is that God exists. What it actually is saying, it seems to me, is that all the preliminary beliefs are really just reasons that the writer believes; and even says so by the final line, which is, "That is why, I believe."

So, what I have so far, is that Belief is deeper than opinion, it is a part of an individual, and it is attached to the emotions. If you disagree with someone's deep-seated belief, you stir up deep feelings. So beliefs are attached to feelings.

AND, I have just discovered that by trying to prove "Yes," I have also proven "No."

"That is why, I believe." When someone has a reason to believe, when a person has experienced something that they know is real, you can argue with then until you are red in the face, and all they will do is grin at you. You can present every logical and scientific reason in existence to them, and it will bring forth no emotion.

That is because they Know!

Knowledge, then, is beyond belief. It is deeper than belief. Like opinion is in the head, and belief is in the feelings, knowledge that comes from one's own experience is in the..... In the what?

I don't know what it is in. Several things come to mind, like soul and spirit, but they are just guesses. Anyway, it is something beyond, or outside of our feelings.

As evidence of this, I use myself, and of all people, my father. I have had certain experiences that seem far-fetched; that if you were to tell me that you had them (and if I hadn't), than I would greatly doubt your sanity. But if you were to doubt me, and say so vehemently, then I would just grin at you.

And so did my father. There were some things he didn't argue about, instead, he just grinned. And when he did, I always doubted my own position.

So, what is the difference? Knowledge and belief, where do they come from that makes such a difference?

It seems that knowledge, as used in this context, is derived from my own experience. So then, how does it differ from belief? Doesn't belief come from my own experience?

Back to the babies mentioned at the beginning (the birth of this piece. A bit of an attempt at humor). The babies, the children, the students, the spouses, etc; they all had their opinions, which became beliefs, from experiential sources. The baby crying alone was having an experience, as was the baby nestled in it's mother's arms, and their beliefs were being formed at that moment.

The employee was developing a belief about his boss from his own experience. And so on.

And no matter what you might say to any of them, they will continue to believe the same - because they have experienced it. They know it.

But the chances are their beliefs about such things as God, the Bible, Buddha, and other such things that they learn from others, without experiencing themself, will just remain somewhere between opinion and deep-seated belief.

Even the Bible seems to support this. The Bible says we should believe. That we should have faith. I think of the Twelve Apostles. They walked with Jesus, they even performed miracles. But at the Crucifixion, they ran and hid, and stayed hidden until Pentecost, where they were gathered together. They had "Faith," that is they "Believed;" But something happened at Pentecost (or at least there abouts), because those same disciples became bold, and were willing and ready to give their own life for their "Belief." It's as if they went beyond "Belief,"and "Faith" - and now "Know."

This search has begun to take on a new twist. It seems that I have run out of arguments and have started preaching. So, for further study, that is, if you want to find out where I go from here, check out the BIBLE section (not Opinions).

Tumbleweed

Age of Wisdom

Age of Wisdom

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"Opinions are a dime a dozen," they say. Whoever they are. And I'm sure they ought to know.

So I figure that if a dozen opinions are worth a dime, mine should be worth about a nickel anyway. And I've got a bunch of opinions, and on some subjects I've got several on each side. So all toll, I should think mine are worth a pretty penny.

Another thing they say, is that, "Wisdom comes with age."

Well, I dispute that statement. And as evidence of my position, I present myself. And here I must qualify my statement. If, by Wisdom, experience is meant, that could very well be so.

*

However, I know some (many in fact) people who are no more experienced in old age than they were when they were young. The usual causes were: either they were too fearful to try something new because they might make a mistake (and of course they will), or because they might look foolish in the eyes of someone (and of course they will).

How be it, if they mean Wisdom that comes as a result of making mistakes, and having failures and successes, this I dispute.

Of course, this last group of people will have a great deal more to share than the former group. But the knowledge gained is not necessarily of any use to the person who acquired it; Though it may be to some intelligent youth who uses that knowledge to limit his or her own mistakes and failures.

Before offering myself as evidence, I first present King David, and his son, Solomon of the Bible. These two, I think most people would allow, are considered among the Wisest of the Wise. And their writings have inspired and helped an unimaginable number of people for thousands of years.

David acquired his knowledge and wisdom from experience. He worked hard and suffered much to gain it.

Solomon, on the other hand, did not have to lift a finger, as far as we know, to acquire his. It was handed to him "on a silver platter" so to speak.

David, through mighty deeds, created a great nation, but through treachery and other abuses contrary to his own writings, he mangled his own life along with that of his family.

Afterwards, Solomon took that great nation and through selfish desires set the stage for that great nation's destruction. Meanwhile, his own life departed farther astray of his own wisdom the older he became.

As a final blow, the son (and grandson) of these two Wise men apparently learned nothing from either of their mistakes and training, and drove the final wedge that separated that great kingdom.

Some readers will undoubtedly say, "Why is he talking about wisdom, and what's that got to do with opinion?" An excellent question, and unfortunately, one has very little to do with the other.

But, it should, which is exactly my point.

There's an interesting 'catch-22' that applies here;

IF WISDOM WERE INVOLVED WITH OPINION, THERE WOULDN'T BE VERY MANY OPINIONS, Would there?

Earlier I said I would offer myself as sacrifice to help prove my point that age does not necessarily mean wisdom.

I will begin with the here and now, that is the point on which all of us stand at this moment. And please indulge me, my apparent ramblings will eventually connect together to one degree or another.

At any point in our life, we see where we are, and where we have been. We do not see where we are going, but only our hope (or fear) of the future.

But, we know where we are. We think!

Yet, in the future, we will look back and see that we were nowhere near where we thought we were at the time. That is, those who dare to be moving at all. And the farther in the future we look back, the farther afield we appear.

To add to this discrepancy, our view of the past is fogged and distorted by excuses and justifications of our self and our attitudes. That is, all but those we have, hopefully, matured beyond.

It's far easier to say, "This is what I used to do, and this is what I've learned from it, so therefore you should listen to me because of the wisdom I've gained"; then the alternative which is (if confronted with that flaw you try so hard to conceal), "Ok, so I do such-and-such. But just you do what I say, and not as I do."

Many, Many years ago (half a lifetime, in fact), I spent years in therapy.

Part of this therapy was what is called "group therapy." This consisted of anywhere from five to fifty men, along with one psychologist.

For years I had the opportunity to listen to, and take part in, these sessions where each person was expected to examine himself and 'Spill his guts' to the group.

Now, you would think that anyone participating in such a group would do all they could to take advantage of the opportunity to better himself, wouldn't you? And, you would probably think that the psychologist was a person beyond the weakness of his patients, now wouldn't you?

Instead it was a game not far different than what kinder gardeners play. That game consisted of one person talking, and the others tearing him apart. And what the other patients missed, the Doctor would catch.

Of course, this made it easy for everyone to tell stories that they hoped would ease them through each session. The result of which, of course, nothing was gained except another lie and deep-seated problem reinforced.

Another aspect of the game was for each man to watch the others closely to see what won over the Doctor (and if there happened to be a woman there, the game became even more serious). If one person seemed to be doing well in the sessions, others would try to mimic him and finagle his tricks from him so they could look good too.

It reminded me of students trying to find out who had the best cheat-sheets. Learning wasn't important, it was the appearance of learning that mattered.

Another thing that I observed was that the doctors (and there were many of them) would nod and sit proudly on their throne, saying to himself, (and doubtless to each other), "That's true of them." It was as though the fact they had all that "book la'rnin'" they were different from other people.

Now for me. I'm sitting here so high-and-mighty judging everyone else. How was I different?

I was different, in two ways. The first is that my problems were much more intense than most of the others, maybe even all the others, by some accounts at least.

And the second way is, I knew I had many problems and was determined to work through them as best I could.

That meant no games. It also meant no recognition for any progress, in fact quite the contrary because the doctors only recognized the game, not what was real. For one thing, not playing the game meant that their egos weren't being massaged, and they couldn't handle that.

But in all fairness, there were no instructions on not playing the game, so the doctors had no established way to deal with my situation.

And, of course, neither did I have any instructions. So I made plenty of mistakes that could be, and were, quickly and readily pointed out.

As I sat in the groups, I found myself saying, "Yes, that's true of me." So I got to learn a lot about me. Of course I didn't talk in groups, or to the doctors, but I learned a lot.

Incidentally, I must confess, that in the beginning I was one of, if not the most, fatheaded and boisterous of the group, attacking every word anyone said. That is something I wish I could look back on and say it used to be. Over the years I've gotten better, but if I had actually outgrown it, I wouldn't be writing this book, would I?

But I learned. And the most important thing that I learned is: I am like everyone else! I don't mean that I do everything that others do, but in one way or another, that problem that is in them, is in me. It may come out in another form, and it may be in a larger or smaller proportions than someone else's. But it's there.

And the more I try to deny it, the more rooted it is in my ego.

With this piece of knowledge -- and confession, I was able to put other wisdoms to work,

The first is, I can not see, (therefore can not admit) my own faults until I get past them. As I stated earlier, I either see them as foggy justifications for which I still make excuses, or they are so much a part of me that I think that they are ok. I might not think they are ok for others, but for me it's different.

I'm sure you've spotted the fallacy of my thinking there.

But if I can't see them, or are still justifying them -- how can I possibly get passed them?

First of all, when I find myself judging or criticizing someone, even if it's only in my mind, I turn it around and say; "Ok, how do I do the same thing?" If I can't come up with an answer, than I know my problem is bigger than I am able to admit.

Big problems have to be tackled in chunks. You can't swallow a whole watermelon. Nor should you try. But cut it in pieces and eventually, over time, you can digest the entire thing without doing yourself harm.

"How do I do the same thing?" was the question. I look for some small way that I do the same thing, that I can admit to myself, and work at conquering it. I also watch others and see how they apparently have learned to handle a similar problem. It doesn't matter if they really have or not; But it's a starting point for me, and a direction to take in my own quest. I will learn new approaches to the problem as I journey forward.

Some "problems" that I wish to divest myself of, I find just aren't worth the effort. They are me. Things like: I see people who are quiet spoken, calm under pressure, and in what appears to be total control of themselves. I envy that.

And I've tried to emulate it. Many times.

Yet, when I am in a conversation, as I look back on it, I was highly intense, my arms waving in the air, red in the face, and did anywhere from 50-99% of the talking.

And the times I catch myself doing otherwise -- that is, being like I think I should be, I feel phony, and that I am cheating the other person out of being with who they think they are with. Of course, they may prefer the phony person, and very likely do.

Is there a point to all of this? Yes, that point is: just because someone can quote beautiful words, does not mean that they have any understanding of them.

One example of this is; a student once said that he was studying Einstein's theory. When asked if the student understood the theory, he said that he did.

And this is the fallacy in many people's thinking. They believe that because they know about a thing, that they know the thing.

Knowledge is just a bud, a flower in infancy. If not nurtured, it will dry up and wither. If pruned and trimmed properly, it will bloom. And once it has reached full maturity, it dies.

Knowledge should be kept in its budding stage -- ever growing and reaching for the flower stage, but never attaining the point where it appears beautiful, but is in reality only preparing to scatter its seeds and die.

Take those seeds of knowledge, and plant them. But remember, they are only seeds. Treat them as such.

When the world was flat and the center of the universe, everyone knew where their boundaries were. Now that it is round and zooms its way through an ever-expanding infinity, we sense a loss of limits to knowledge.

Avoid advise from anyone who has reached perfect wisdom. They stand on a flat earth with walls of their own making blocking their way to true Wisdom that can never be reached by mortal Man.

If you treat all knowledge as opinion, rather than fact, than you will have no trouble questioning it.

But if it is fact in your mind, than it cannot be changed -- and won't be, by you. But tomorrow someone will have proven you the fool for having believed it as fact.

Do you disagree with my opinions? You are not alone. In fact there is a good possibility that I will disagree with some of them before they are even in print.

So finally, yes there is a finally, Listen to the Wisdom of others, Hear their opinions. Glean them for what applies to you.

Just don't expect to see that same wisdom applied in their own life.

If you are ever in doubt about what I have just said, remember David and Solomon.

And if you are really desperate for more reason, consider what I said about me.

And a final finally, take every opinion with a grain of salt;

Especially mine.

Tumbleweed

Wishful Thinking

Wishful Thinking

Wishers and woulders be small householders. ( Voltaire)

The other day I was accused of being "smart." Now under ordinary circumstances this would have caused my ego meter to raise above the safe zone. And why not? All my life I have wanted to be seen as "smart." My father, although uneducated, was seen as "smart." My younger brother was quite well educated and seen as "smart." But for me? I have always seen myself as "dumb" and "slow," having almost no memory or ability to concentrate. So being called "smart" by someone who values intelligence greatly should well have boosted my snob level significantly.

But it didn't.

When I rode the bicycle around the country (I've written of these elsewhere) I often heard: "I wish I could just take off and ride wherever I want like you do."

When I was an artist I heard: "I wish I could draw and paint like you do."

I have had people say: "I wish I knew computers like you do."

And lately I have heard: "I wish I could write like you do."

I can do anything. I've said this before. It's not an ego trip I'm on that causes me to say this; it's merely a fact. For the first 30 years of my life I thought (and was told) that I couldn't do anything right. And I firmly believed that what I was told was correct. And so I never tried to do anything for fear of the inevitable failure.

Then I discovered fencing. In fencing I didn't excel, but I did quite well with my limited experience.

And then the bicycle, where again I started from nothing, to achieving a fair record of accomplishments. Again, not the most or the best, but far more than the average.

I discovered that whatever I set my mind to, I could do very well, and in some cases, if compared to the norm rather than the superior, I could excel. This is a far cry from the boy who thought he could do nothing.

But not everything could I do. I couldn't play a musical instrument. Even in my 60's music was a great barrier, and at the same time a great attraction to me.

At 65 I set out to conquer music. I've spoken of this elsewhere, I will only say I now play the banjo, the guitar, the harmonica, the flute, the piano, as well as a few others. In other words, music is another area I can "do." None of these can I do well, mind you, but I can play to my own satisfaction.

"I sure wish I could play the guitar like you do," I say to those who play so well. And why do I wish I could play like they do? Because I can't.

Above I said I can do anything. Yet here I say I can't play like others who are proficient at their craft can play. Yet those I admire may very likely feel very deficient in their ability when they compare themselves to others they themselves admire and seek to emulate.

Now why is it that this youngster (as young as five years old) can play so well, and I, much older and with so much knowledge and abilities, can't? Don't our abilities increase as we grow older? Don't we become wiser as we mature physically? Isn't that the rule of nature? And therefore, if I wait long enough, I will be able to do all things?

Sometimes we think like that, and books are sold by the millions telling us we can think our way to success. But thinking such things can at best only bring us frustration and cause us a headache.

Practice is what causes that five year old to play better than the 50 year old. Lots of practice.
"I sure wish I could play like you do." If I stop wishing, and begin playing, I could learn to play like he or she does.

And so could you.

For the last 18 years I have pretty well dedicated my energies to writing, and little else. Music I only dabble at now and then, and so my music sounds like all I am doing is dabbling. I enjoy what little I do, and that is all that matters to me. If I spent as much time at music as I do at writing, I could be great. I know this from past experiences. But music is not the interest in my life, only a very small part of an interest.

Writing on the other hand is what I am all about. I spend almost all my time writing, researching, and working on my websites and my blogs. This is who I am. I ride the bike, but I am not a bike rider any longer. I play musical instruments, but I am not a musician. I paint a little now and then, but I am no longer an artist. This is true of teaching, car restoring, Indian culture and crafts, fencing and other areas I have concentrated on in the past. They are still a part of me to one degree or another, but none are "who I am."

I am a writer.

"I wish I could write like you do."

I am slow. I think slow. My memory is so poor I can't tell you what I just finished writing, or very often (as I reread what I have written), who wrote the piece because I have very little knowledge in the area that was written about.

As I review what I have written I am often amazed at the skill and the apparent understanding of the subject under consideration. This sounds like ego, but is in fact far from it. When I write all my energy goes into my writing. I type slow and poorly, making so many mistakes that quite often as I edit a piece I am unable to discern what I was trying to say when I wrote it, and that might have been but minutes before. And my spelling is so bad, that without Spell Checker my writing would be unreadable.

A huge portion of my time is spent in a dictionary, a thesaurus, and on the web researching material or searching for just the right word or phrasing to use. I am lousy in English, and my grammar is exceptionally poor. Someone well acquainted with these areas already knows this to be true. Others who are not so well versed in grammar may well think I have a good grasp on these areas. I assure you, I'm merely "faking" it. Or, to put it more accurately, I am doing the very best I can, but I realize that my limitations prevent my finished work from being all it should be. It may be better than most people can do, but only because most people do not spend the time and effort it takes to write articles such as these. They just wish they could.

Over the years I have not been able to improve my ability to concentrate, or to remember, or to organize my studies as they should be. But there is one area I have been able to grow, and that is in my honesty. It's not so much that I can be honest with you, that is a subjective matter. But where it is most important, that is to be honest with myself, this I have learned.

Above I said that I have great limitations when it comes to writing. In the physical area I am fairly normal. Far from superior, but normal. Because of this I was able to ride the bicycle long distances; slow, but fairly far. But like anyone else, when I do not ride, my body gets used to not riding, and in a week or two I find myself wondering if I will make it back home because my muscles have atrophied to such a degree. Should someone who is athletically inclined at all try to ride along side of me, even when I was at my best, they would leave me in their dust. I was not superior at what I was doing. But I was the one doing it, and that is what made the difference between me and almost everyone else.

This is true of my writing as well. I have great limitations, as I have said before. If someone without those limitations were to cease wishing, and start doing, they would find what I have been saying is true, that I am sorely lacking in ability.

Because of this recognition of my lack, and the awareness that I have to struggle to achieve whatever I attempt, it keeps me from feeling egotistic when my work is praised. I know that anyone else could do the same, and even better, and certainly much faster and more efficiently if they set their mind to it. The difference is, I am doing it, instead of just a wishing.

I began this piece by stating that my ego was not effected by the accusation that I was: "Smart." In fact, rather than feeling proud, I was a bit concerned. Elsewhere I have spoken about the many thousands of "clicks" on my websites each month. My thought was (at the time of being called smart): Is it because people see me as "smart" that they are checking out my website? If this is the case, I see a problem. My objective is not to impress people with my intelligence, or my writing ability, or even my powers of observation. In fact if everyone thought my writing stinks, and that I must be an idiot to think as I do, and to see the world as I do, that would suit me just fine. I neither need nor desire agreement or respect. Either of these will defeat my purpose. I want people to think! Agreement or acknowledgment of my abilities goes contrary to thinking. If either of these are looked upon, then people will likely either decide that what I have written is beneath them, or worse, they will choose to follow my thinking and agree with me accordingly. Agreement without serious consideration is the same as idiocy. And this is the very thing I am trying with all my knowhow to prevent: blind idiocy.

"Familiarity breeds contempt." You have very likely heard this expression before.

My father was looked up to and respected by all. All, that is, except those of us who lived with him.

There is something about the unknown that attracts us mortals. When we see something that appeals to us we fill in the unknown with what we would like to be true. The more we know of a person, the less mystery remains, therefore the less wishful thinking can be utilized. Even Jesus experienced this phenomena when He returned to His home town. In spite of all the proofs he exhibited, the home folks rejected Him because they knew Him and His family. If this could happen to the Son of God, how much more so to someone at the other end of the spectrum such as myself?

People who know me, my friends and my family and all those I care most for, ignore my website and my writings. They know me. I present no mystery to them. Regardless of how much I care, or how much value these people place on my opinion, they ignore it because it comes from someone they can not imagine as being more than what he is. I do not mean to say they look down on me, in fact, in some cases, far from it. I may say exactly what they want, and need, to hear. But unless it is said by someone they know little about, they won't give the words their due consideration.

That is one reason I remain anonymous. Another is for the reason I gave earlier, and that is to make sure I do not feed my ego rather than my purpose.

Tumbleweed